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Monday, July 30, 2012


What a horrible weekend!

Over the past maybe 6 months, I've become really close friends with this guy. FRIENDS. I made it quite clear that that's all I've ever wanted.
Friday he ruined it. He confessed his love for me - not in those words obviously- and to sum a long story up; he said we can't be friends anymore because he only wants more.
That I couldn't except. How stupid. We we're friends before he decided to say it, why can't we just go back? It doesn't make sense to me. Can't he just get over it?
Anyway, I told him his comments really hurt me.
Today he accused me of leading him on, and so many other hurtful things.
I deleted him off facebook because I couldn't handle it.

I wanted to breakdown and cry because he means so much to me- just nothing sexual. We have - or should I say HAD- a  completely open and honest friendship, which I think made us closer.
I know he's hurt because he know's I'm not attracted to him, but I thought he was better than to throw low blows like what he did. He just kept getting meaner and more hurtful.

The thing that gets me is, if I meant so much to him; 1. Why would he let me go?  2. Why be so horrible? Hurting me isn't going to make me change my mind or make him feel any better.

Well with my multiple personalities, I wanted to say so much, I was so angry and upset, but depressed and hurt and I wanted to slap him, that I just said nothing and left it at that.

I know what it means though; I just have to be better. I MUST be thinner. And how to do that? Restriction. 

NOTHING tastes as good as thin feels.

Todays intake;
    1x pink lady apple (143g) = 70 calories
    1x orange (209g)= 88 calories
    defrosted green beans (50g) = 11 calories
    1x egg (60g) = 83.5 calories
     about 100ml apple juice= 55 calories max

Input total= 307.5 calories 

I guess I ort to thank him. I'm more determined than I have been in a long time. This will be the week I get out of the 62kg area.

It still hurts, I got to tell him something and remember I can't. But I'll be ok. And the next time he sees me, he won't believe his eyes.

I was bad, I had no breakfast, but I just didn't want it.
Gym today; Fat burner class for an hour. Along with a combination class; Yoga, pilates & Tai Chi for an hour. Apparently that class alone is 390 Calories, but I just don't believe it.  
So I'm totalling the classes as 550 calories all up= Output

Thanks for always being there so I can vent :)

Trying to prepare myself for tomorrow, we're going out to dinner. I know where we are going so luckily I know I can alter their menu, I know I'll get a salad.