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Monday, October 31, 2011

Its almost my birthday and I'll cry if I want to

Tomorrow is my birthday, I dread turning 20. I feel like I am getting old and now I have to think of all these things and have heaps more responsibility and everything costs so much more. I really hate it. I just want to break down and cry, so for the last few days, thats what I've been doing. Any time I was alone, I just cried. Tomorrow means icecream cake, roast chicken and roast veggies and who knows what else. I don't want to celebrate.

Todays weight; 57.1kg's. (125.9). Big shock that was!

In about February I bought this dress for a friends birthday party, I mentioned it in a post back then. Anyway.. I decided to try it on tonight.. IT FIT!!!! I couldn't even get the zip up last time! Oh it was great, so I am wearing it out on Saturday to this fancy church function. Then on sunday I am wearing this new skirt, its totally not me; clings to the thighs and is short, but I have to admit, I LOVE the way it looks!


Little miss thin; You will loose to! You work so much harder than I do, don't worry, you will get there.

Scarlett; It helps when my parents want to exercise, but no we have an exchange student living with us, and my mum went and bought all this junk food. I was SO angry, I seriously broke down crying I was that mad. She just doesn't get how hard it is for me with this stuff in the house.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

More than large

I know I'm heavier this week. The question is, by how much. I feel awfully fat.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Monday Weigh-In (24.October.2011)

Well well, just as I was about to give up..
I made mum and dad go for a bike ride yesterday. We did about 7kms.
It was really nice because we rode by the water, there was a lovely breeze and the sun was out but with clouds. They really liked it and are now thinking of doing it more frequently. It's funny, considering they fought me the whole time before we went because they didn't want to do it.
So now, hopefully, mum and I will go again on sunday, except at a different place.

I'm now on prac for university again, which means much much more temptation and more food is essential because I find when I restrict, then I tend to almost faint- not so good.

Most important thing of all! This weeks weight!! 57.2kg's!!! (126.1) I was so amazed. I know its not going to last but oh man it was so good to see! Finally, some progress after so long.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Monday Weigh-In (17.October.2011)

ARGH so pissed off! 58.6kg's! (129.2)  58.9kg's (129.9)Why oh why oh why can't I get away from this weight!!
It's seriously annoying me now, I'm getting no where fast and the christmas deadline of 55kg's (121.3) seems impossible. Last week was a good food and exercise week and I've been doing the exercises physio gave me for my shoulder and wrist (which somehow I've stuffed up and they hurt so much I had to get something done).
Ohhh and another thing to add to my crappy day... looks like 'that time of the month' has returned. So after 4 month it just decides to come back. Thats just annoying.

Edit; Thanks little miss thin, I really hope so. Not the yoyo of gaining then loosing and then gain more and more is just driving me insane.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Monday Weigh-In (10.October.2011) & Something else for the whales out there

Today is a good day. I'm loving the weather at the moment, its sunny but cool, perfect for exercise; but there's only one problem.. I now have to study because exams are in a few weeks. Hopefully I will still get out there and enjoy it though.
Todays weight; 58.6kg's (129.2). I never thought I'd see this number again! It's like I've been given another chance, this time I'm not going to take it for granted.
It will be a good week and I will loose a good amount of weight.
Less than a month until my birthday and I want to be looking good!

I booked my flight to new south wales yesterday. I'll be going 2 days after my exams finish!

There's a story circulating facebook at the moment and I thought you all might like it;

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Keep going

I just have to keep going.
Just have to keep trying.

Today has been the first day I've actually been disciplined. 1 boiled egg for breakfast and a large apple. Lunch was a few slices of beetroot. Went out to dinner with mum and dad; only because they get really shitty with me now if I don't. So I went, but I was strong.
I filled up on water, and didn't eat one carb (except for about a tablespoon of chickpeas)- no garlic bread (even though they ordered it- i let them eat it),  I had a side salad, without the dressing, it was cucumber, lettuce, 1/2 cherry tomato, some carrot and a few chickpeas.
For drinks I has water and a large diet coke. I drank so much water that I almost threw up.

Thin. The end goal. Worth every fight. 


Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Monday Weigh-In (03.october.2011)

I feel like I'm falling into a cloud of fog, lost and confused. Loosing myself.
My weight has been horrible, but my effort has been worse.
I try, and then I don't. My discipline has vanished. I continually give in over and over and over again.
I keep thinking that it's ok, just once more, just once piece of happiness, but it's never enough.
It's getting harder and I have no will. What do I do?
I'm sick of 'having breaks' to get back on top of things. Nothing is working. Everything I have achieved is slipping out of my grasp.
59.1kg's (130.3)