I was actually excited to get on the scale this morning. It was almost as good as Christmas.. and the result wasn't bad either! This mornings weight; 61.2 kg's (134.9). The best part is, not once this week did I feel like I had to starve myself to see a good result. All I had to do was eat healthy and add a tiny bit of exercise.
Well it's that or I'm just tired. I don't want to do anything, I don't want to go out with my friends, go to the movies, go out (especially for food). But the worst part is, I don't want to go back to university. I start back on monday and I don't want to go.
I'm so unenthused it's beyond ridiculous. The other day it was made even worse when I talked to my ex and he told me that he started doing drugs. It's like someone covered up the sun, and burst my happy bubble. It sounds stupid but I feel responsible. I know I shouldn't and I'm not his Mum so I can't tell him what to do, I just feel so bad. We were friends for ages but he just didn't understand that I didn't feel attracted to him, yet we dated anyway- silly me. We haven't really talked in at least a year- until the other night that is. I miss him. Sounds weird, we were never really any more then friends, but I still miss him. I miss being able to tell him stuff that I couldn't tell anyone else. I have no one like that now.
I'm such a loner. I hope this is just a phase and I'm just tired and that this semester at uni is great.
I only got 1 distinction and 2 credits. I thought that was ok, but now I feel like a failure. I work so hard only to get stuck with those grades. It really pisses me off! Why can't I just be naturally smart??
I wish I could just get great grades like everyone else who don't bother to study.
On to another topic; I'm all alone in this house and they haven't even decided to call me. Yes, the other day I was on the phone to my dad and my sister told me to stop calling them, so I did. I haven't talked to them since. Well actually, my sister wrote on my facebook wall and told me that she missed me, I said ' no you don't' and then she got all pissy at me. So anyway, I haven't talked to them since and today I get home to find a message on the answering machine, they wanted to call me and say good morning (their time, afternoon here) but I wansn't home. If they had of bothered to talk to me earlier in the week then they would have found out that I was going to church then meeting up with our family friend- for LUNCH!
Luckily with the lunch part, crisis was averted, we did go to the shops for lunch, BUT I got a salad! Yay me. I was sooooo close to having a donut and/or some frozen yoghurt/ice-cream but I remembered this weeks goal and stayed strong! I really really really hope this week is a good one on that scale.
Well well well, I told you so. A tiny loss this week, 61.9kg's (136.5 lb). I'm going to the gym in a few hours. I'm feeling really unmotivated because it is a beautiful rainy day so I'll defiantly go for a swim and I think I'll do a little bit on the treadmill before hand, just depends how I feel.
Goal for this week; To eat very little junk food. Goal weight; 61.4 or less.
Parents have gone so the house is mine! I've already chucked out a packet of timtams (chocolate covered biscuits), not before eating three though.
More Than Me; I've decided to race that friend of mine as well, I want to be the skinniest and I will be. It is good motivation because I want people to notice my weight loss.
My determination this week has been nonexistent to say the least. I'm eating like that person from January. Where did all the willpower go?? I know I will either gain or not loose much this week. I'm totally disappointed in myself because I could have made it into the 61kg area.
My parents fly out tomorrow. I'm kind of numb actually, I'm not sad or anxious or anything. Hopefully I can use my mum's gym membership for the month and the people there won't know it's not her- only bad thing here is that it had my mum's date of birth on it and I'm pretty sure I don't look that old.
My aim for while they are gone is to go to the gym at least 3 nights a week instead of eating dinner. Plus they have a pool so it will be easy to waste time burning calories.
I will be at least 59kg's (130.1 lbs) by the time they get home.
Went to the movies with my friends yesterday. It's become a habit to not buy something, so it doesn't even bother me when people are eating popcorn or lollies or ice-cream etc.
One of my friends has lost a tone of weight since we last met up and I'm actually really jealous. She looked so good and even though she is still bigger than me, the weight just seems to be falling off her, so I need to make sure that the next time they see me they will be shocked at how good I look.
I'm backkkk. And thank goodness for that! The first few days went really well. I basically fasted for the first day, then I kept doing well.... until the cake came out. Do you seriously know how hard it is to resist food when there is a chef cooking??!! Made my life hell. It was all vegetarian food but still, it contained stuff that I normally wouldn't even touch.. like cheese, lots and lots of cheese.
I don't think I've ever mentioned it before but I LOVE CHEESE! Always have, but recently (aka the last few months) I won't even touch the stuff, but of course, I ended up having that as well.
I ended up having about 8 squares/slices of cake, heaps and heaps of cheese, then on the second last day, I totally went crazy and stuffed my self silly.. TWICE! Lunch & Dinner. Oh boy, it was not a good experience. I also broke my forbidden foods list. I ate pasta and Oreos. The pasta was beyond my control because of the situation I was in, but I should have avoided the Oreos.
THEN on the Sunday, I ended up having a full meat pie, pastry and all, PLUS a custard/cream pastry dessert. My dad said it was a good thing because I needed to let loose. But honestly, I am disappointed in myself for not having as much strength as I had hoped.
I was sure I had gained at least 1.5-2 kg's (3- 4lbs)....
Anyway todays weight was 62.2kg's (137). Yes it is a gain and not a loss, and it makes me think of what I could have been if I hadn't binged, but I am grateful that it isn't more.
Well well well, exciting morning! Jumped on the scale, only to get my mind blown away by the number!! 62.7kg's (138.2) mwhahaha! I did it twice just to be absolutely positive, but apparently it's right.
Totally freaking out though, because I'll miss next weeks weigh in (because I'm away in a remote part of Australia; yes, there aren't even a set of scales). I will make sure to do a weigh in on the saturday morning just before I go so I can check my progress.