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Saturday, July 30, 2011

I think I'm getting depressed (long post)

Well it's that or I'm just tired. I don't want to do anything, I don't want to go out with my friends, go to the movies, go out (especially for food). But the worst part is, I don't want to go back to university. I start back on monday and I don't want to go.

I'm so unenthused it's beyond ridiculous. The other day it was made even worse when I talked to my ex and he told me that he started doing drugs. It's like someone covered up the sun, and burst my happy bubble. It sounds stupid but I feel responsible. I know I shouldn't and I'm not his Mum so I can't tell him what to do, I just feel so bad. We were friends for ages but he just didn't understand that I didn't feel attracted to him, yet we dated anyway- silly me. We haven't really talked in at least a year- until the other night that is. I miss him. Sounds weird, we were never really any more then friends, but I still miss him. I miss being able to tell him stuff that I couldn't tell anyone else. I have no one like that now.

I'm such a loner. I hope this is just a phase and I'm just tired and that this semester at uni is great.
I only got 1 distinction and 2 credits. I thought that was ok, but now I feel like a failure. I work so hard only to get stuck with those grades. It really pisses me off! Why can't I just be naturally smart??
I wish I could just get great grades like everyone else who don't bother to study.

On to another topic; I'm all alone in this house and they haven't even decided to call me. Yes, the other day I was on the phone to my dad and my sister told me to stop calling them, so I did. I haven't talked to them since. Well actually, my sister wrote on my facebook wall and told me that she missed me, I said ' no you don't' and then she got all pissy at me. So anyway, I haven't talked to them since and today I get home to find a message on the answering machine, they wanted to call me and say good morning (their time, afternoon here) but I wansn't home. If they had of bothered to talk to me earlier in the week then they would have found out that I was going to church then meeting up with our family friend- for LUNCH!

Luckily with the lunch part, crisis was averted, we did go to the shops for lunch, BUT I got a salad! Yay me. I was sooooo close to having a donut and/or some frozen yoghurt/ice-cream but I remembered this weeks goal and stayed strong! 
I really really really hope this week is a good one on that scale. 

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