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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Ok day

Today was an ok kind of day. I wasn't depressed, yet I wasn't overly happy either. Content is probably the best way to describe it. I over ate today, not in the calorie department (well actually I haven't added it up), but it was pretty much all healthy stuff. I still have that feeling of being too full, so tomorrow I will eat less. I like going to bed feeling light inside, instead I currently feel as though I could replace a boats anchor.

I am incredibly tired after a long day of eating and working on my assignment so I shall leave you with some thinspo...

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Monday Weigh-In (29. August.2011)

I never thought that week would end. What a horrible horrible week. Luckily I have a far better out look for the week and I am keen on staying strong and not faltering.
29th of August 2011, when I started (in February)  my goal weight for this week was 61.07kg's (134.6).
Today I am.... 59.3kg's (130.7). Well I can tell you that that is a miracle in itself.
58.5 kg's (129) is this weeks goal.

The laxative I took the other night didn't work, so when I got up in the morning I took another one. It took a good 7 hours to start having any effect. Totally useless.

My dad tried to force me to go to dinner with them last night. I was pretty much in tears at fear of the thought of gaining any more weight. I was already feeling depressed and like a cow. I didn't get out of my PJ's all day. He said that I was getting obsessed.

I realised last night that I have a problem. This is becoming far too much of an unhealthy obsession for me. It's deadly and the path is starting to get darker. I'm not going to let that happen to me. I couldn't even go and spend time with my family and have a good night.

So my plan of action is to; eat larger breakfasts in the hope that I will be satisfied with a health salad and tuna for lunches and therefore won't snack until dinner comes around. Dinner will be earlier and lighter to eat, if not (aka if my mum makes it), then I will have less for breakfast and lunch to compensate.
This week I will avoid carbs (pasta, bread, etc, except for rice- if that counts as a carb?), drink less diet soft drink and more water and exercise at least 3 times.
This afternoon, I am going to try to get my mum to go for a walk with me.

In other news; I might be going to Indonesia again at the end of the year. I look forward to a holiday, but it's still in the 'maybe' stage.


P.s welcome lottie :)  It still amazes me to find out that people care about what I say. ha.

Saturday, August 27, 2011


2000. At least 2000. Yep, that's how many calories I had today. A minimum of 2000. I'm so upset with myself. I finally reached my UGW and this week I have done nothing to protect that beautiful number.
Chocolate, cheesecake, bread, pasta, pizza, strawberry jam, full sugar soft drink, rock candy... and I'm sure there is more. I literally feel really sick after today. I will never see a number above 900 until Christmas day.

I know it's my fault, but I'm so angry at my parents for bringing this stuff into the house and cooking it. I was going to skip dinner tonight because of the big lunch I had today... but they made pasta for dinner and said I had to have some. I couldn't control myself.
Earlier this week I took a laxative for the first time. It turned out horrible, and gave me the worst abdominal cramps imaginable. I felt sick for 2 days after that. I swore to myself that I would never do it again.

Well tonight calls for desperate measures. I will not let that pasta be digested. So I will suffer the consequences and pain of that laxative because I will NOT go above my previous UGW. I've weighed myself every day this week and the number was still above mondays weight, so it would have been a possibility that I would have gone over on the weigh in without today happening.
Now that it has, well, I am desperate. I can assure you all that this is not a normal behaviour for me and most likely will never happen again. I'm all for the 'healthy' way, but honestly, after at least 2000 calories, can you really blame me?

You know what the worst part is, my parents want a roast for tea tomorrow. Roast is my all time favourite food and I was literally begging and pleading with them to not do it. I don't think I could live with myself if I ate another fatty thing. Then my my was like 'oh I know, how about we go to that restaurant.." again I begged them not to do it. I told them that I will only eat salad tomorrow. Nothing else for dinner. If I could skip it then I would. The coming week should be better because they will both be going back to work.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Monday Weigh-In (22. August.2011) UGW COMPLETED!!!!

Wow wow wow. Can you believe it? I had to step on the scale TWICE this morning to make sure the number was correct! 59.4kg's!!! (131 lbs)!  SUCCESS!
It's taken a few hours to actually set it. I knew it was achievable but I thought it would take a lot longer to do. I am so happy with myself. I did it. I DID IT! Which means of course, that you can too.
I picked up my parents from the airport last night (around 11pm). This morning I got showered with gifts and trinkets from France, Italy, Denmark, Switzerland, Hong Kong, and Finland, and I loved every minute of it. The only bad thing.. they bought back lots and lots and lots of chocolate stuff. Oh boy, I was so over whelmed and a little scared at the thought of finally getting to my Ultimate Goal Weight and then having it be wrecked because of all this food. So I have devised a plan!
I didn't get this far by not sacrificing things and not working hard, so.. I do plan on trying the things, but I will limit myself to 1 item per week :)  I think its a good way to get what I want while maintaining and keep loosing weight.

Next goal; 55kg (121.3 lbs), I don't have a date for this yet.. I will review it and get back to you. For now my lovelies, I have to go to class. I leave you with a small bit of thinspo...

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Girly problems and all..

Well, I must say I'm not really one to talk about this kind of thing openly, not with my friends or family (including my mum), but this is my blog and I feel safe here.
Anyway I just figure out that.. I haven't had 'that time of the month' in about 7 weeks... I don't know what to do. Do I go to a doctor? I'm not really concerned, I look at it as more of a positive thing; hey, who wants that annoying thing anyway.
I was thinking that it could be because of my weight loss, but I'm in the healthy range for my age and height so I don't know. Has anyone else experienced this?
Oh, I should mention that pregnancy is an impossibility and I'm not on birth control or anything else that could be messing with my hormones, and I am not some super athlete.

P.s. Went a bit overboard with the calories at dinner, so I'm doing a liquid fast at breakfast, then gym for 40 minutes, then meeting with a friend and my god sister for a 'coffee' and 'cake' (for me it will be a soy chocolate milk shake or hot chocolate and hopefully nothing else).

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Monday Weigh-In (15. August.2011)

First of all I would like to begin with a BIG thank you to Kes. Some times you need someone to kick you into gear and help you get out of your own self-pity rut. Your words really did help me. I've made a meal plan for the coming week and I plan to stick with it. I chucked out the ice-cream and put all the peanut butter and biscuits away in hiding and I actually forgot about them. You'r right, I don't want to undo all my hard work or the months that I've been doing this will mean nothing. I'm going to the shops this week to buy more green veggies as I've run out.

One thing I haven't mentioned is that I love to volunteer. I think it's important to give something back to the community, even if it's just a small amount of your time. Every year I do a small amount but this year I hadn't done any, so I thought it was well over due. I ended up volunteering at this music competition. Anyway, what it meant was that I didn't end up having lunch or dinner last night because I was there from 12.45pm until 6.30pm. You know what the best part was? I didn't even feel hungry. I guess it's because I had a bottle of water with me and lots of minty gum. I have been dehydrated lately which I think contributed to the fact that I couldn't stop eating. Luckily I now have a bottle to bring with me to university as well.
For lunch today; 2x corn thins; 45 calories. 1x 65g tinned tuna flakes in spring water 98%fat free; 75 calories. total for lunch; 120 calories

For those of you who don't know, when I first started out, I made a list of the exact weight I wanted to be at for each week. For the 15th of august (today), I was supposed to be at; 61.73kg (136.1 lb).
Today I AM; 60.5kg's (133.4)!! That means I lost 0.9kg's (2 lb) since last week!

I am exactly 0.5kgs (1 lb) away from being at my UGW!!!!!!

Saturday, August 13, 2011


Thank you little miss thin for your confidence, but honestly I'm pretty sure that I've gained again this week. Oh the joy's of going back to uni.
How do I know this? Because I feel seriously heavy AND I haven't had a chance to go to the gym this week. I feel like I was so close to my UGW and now it's slipping further and further away. I don't know what to do.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Monday Weigh-In (8. August.2011)

Well what can I say, disappointed with this weeks weight, but I can't say it wasn't expected... I was undisciplined this week and it shows in the result. I even went to the gym twice, so I'd hate to see what it would have been if I hadn't gone. 61.4kg's (135.4). Gained from last week. :( not a great start to the week, but it reminds me that I have to be stronger, resist the temptation. I have to stay away from the nuts and the vanilla bean ice-cream in the freezer! There was a luncheon at church and I kind of binged there, so I guess karma got me. Oh well.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Does size really matter?

I was thinking about this yesterday. What a stupid question. Of course it does.
What's the easiest way to insult a guy? say something about his penis size.
How do you (in 99% of cases) offend a girl? insult her about her weight.

In saying that, I think the world would be a better place if more people would speak out and say what they really think about other peoples weight to their faces. I mean, at one time or another 90% + of us here would have been insulted about our size. BUT in my case, being mocked and humiliated (made me feel bad, yes) but I did something about it, and i am still doing something about it.
I guess you could argue that it would make 'emotional eaters' eat more blah blah blah, but honestly, if you really cared about what they were saying then they'd get of their fat arses and do something about it. Then they would receive complements about how good they look and would continue to loose weight. Therefore the world would end up a skinny, happy, healthier place.
The END.

p.s. yesterday; burn over 400 calories at the gym, i know i said i would do 500, but I feel i did really well.
wow, i had a really crappy day, and this is making me feel so much better.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

What did I do

Oh man, I really stuffed up. Not feeling crash hot. Started the day of really bad and it's ending on a bad note as well. For breakfast I had I had oat pancakes- I haven't had pancakes in over 7 months. Well, it turns out that they taste really good...but they are really really heavy- as in the feeling you get in your stomach later on.

So that was breakfast, lunch was an apple, a small mandarin, and a few slices of beetroot. That was ok.. but dinner.. oh boy.. that went so bad. I ordered fish and chips. I almost ate the whole lot. It's left this horrible oily sludge coating the inside of my mouth. It's so nasty, not to mention how bad I feel now.

Tomorrow- unless I get called into work- then I'm going to the gym and my goal is to burn 500 calories. That's what I think this crappy dinner was worth, and there is NO WAY that I'm letting it destroy all last weeks hard work.

Kes- Thank you for your support :)  It is much appreciated.

Right now I feel like this;