2000. At least 2000. Yep, that's how many calories I had today. A minimum of 2000. I'm so upset with myself. I finally reached my UGW and this week I have done nothing to protect that beautiful number.
Chocolate, cheesecake, bread, pasta, pizza, strawberry jam, full sugar soft drink, rock candy... and I'm sure there is more. I literally feel really sick after today. I will never see a number above 900 until Christmas day.
I know it's my fault, but I'm so angry at my parents for bringing this stuff into the house and cooking it. I was going to skip dinner tonight because of the big lunch I had today... but they made pasta for dinner and said I had to have some. I couldn't control myself.
Earlier this week I took a laxative for the first time. It turned out horrible, and gave me the worst abdominal cramps imaginable. I felt sick for 2 days after that. I swore to myself that I would never do it again.
Well tonight calls for desperate measures. I will not let that pasta be digested. So I will suffer the consequences and pain of that laxative because I will NOT go above my previous UGW. I've weighed myself every day this week and the number was still above mondays weight, so it would have been a possibility that I would have gone over on the weigh in without today happening.
Now that it has, well, I am desperate. I can assure you all that this is not a normal behaviour for me and most likely will never happen again. I'm all for the 'healthy' way, but honestly, after at least 2000 calories, can you really blame me?
You know what the worst part is, my parents want a roast for tea tomorrow. Roast is my all time favourite food and I was literally begging and pleading with them to not do it. I don't think I could live with myself if I ate another fatty thing. Then my my was like 'oh I know, how about we go to that restaurant.." again I begged them not to do it. I told them that I will only eat salad tomorrow. Nothing else for dinner. If I could skip it then I would. The coming week should be better because they will both be going back to work.