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Monday, June 27, 2011

Monday Weigh-In (28.June.2011)

Yesterdays (Monday's) weight was.... 63.6kg's!!!! (140.2) YAY
So happy. Not expecting it to last, I'll try but I'm not expecting it.
Oh it made me so so delighted when I stepped on the scale.
Crap day at prac though yesterday, my clinical supervisor is mean and I didn't get to do anything. I was so bored.

Anyway, next weeks goal weight; 63.1kg's (139).
I just have to work really hard on watching what I eat again.
What are you girls aiming for this week?

Friday, June 24, 2011


I just made this poem :)

I'll fly you'll see,
Light as can be,
That will be me.

Kind of corny now I think of it but its my message.

On the food front, I've been really good this week. I've tried so hard so monday's weigh-in better be good!
I go on prac again starting monday, for another two weeks then I go away.
I've wanted to give up so many times. It would be easier not to have to think about how many calories are in which food items and total calorie count for the day, and wether or not I can buy this or that when I'm out shopping. But I have to remind myself constantly that if I give up then I will have nothing to show for it. All the progress I've made will quickly be lost. Some additional thinspo as you scroll.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Monday Weigh-In (20.June.2011)

This mornings weight is 64.3kg's (141.8).
We made lasagne for dinner.
Its basically all fat.
There is no way I am eating it.
I skipped lunch and I'm surprisingly not hungry, but I know as soon as I eat something then I'll be hungry.
Loads of playing with the God sister tomorrow so hopefully that will burn plenty of calories.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

A real life discover channel program

I swear to goodness I'm like a fricken bear about to go into hibernation. I am SO fucking pissed off to the max. Don't cross me because I could chuck a plate at a wall right now. Obviously just weighed myself.
Fucking 65.6kg's (144.6). Fuck my life and kill me now. A little dramatic? I think not!
Fucking pasta. It's going on the list. Yep. It is. Never thought I'd see the day but it's here.
What the fuck happened? I can't stop eating. It's like if I ate the whole cupboard it still wouldn't be enough.
I didn't even binge on the spaghetti or anything.
Please excuse the language. I am just more than a tad frustrated.
My life is like a Discovery Channel documentary. I'm the bear and my body is going into hibernation and storing every thing it can.
It's been raining outside for the last week so I haven't been able to exercise, but tomorrow I'm going to set up the playstation and connect the Eye Toy, and Dance Mat to it so I can exercise inside and burn a mother load of calories this coming week. 63.7kg's (140.4) by Monday 27th of June. Oh I tell you I will work my arse of until then because I want to see that number.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Concurring the Carbs

Concurring not concurred. Work in progress, but I am doing it!
Last night my parents made spaghetti- the whole thing, pasta and sauce.
I only ate one small bowl and I didn't even finish it! Yay me :)
Tonight; I had a whole small bowl full. I did eat all of it but I didn't go back for seconds which is a start.

Small steps towards a better future. One where I can enjoy food instead of binging on it.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Monday Weigh-In (13.June.2011)

Boring day of study but todays weight; 64.0kg's (141.1).
This is actually very very surprising because honestly I've binged 3 times this week.
I've felt like absolute crap because these stupid exams are getting me down.
Usually I'm pretty optimistic about them but this time I just have this image of going into the exams and choking- total mind blanking.
Oh well at least after thursday they will be over and I wont have to think of them for another 5 months.
I have so much to look forward to for after exams!

Friday; Manicure & Pedicure + movies with my friend
Saturday; Going down south to church and to see all my friends!! - haven't seen them in over 7 months!

Monday; My god sister is coming over (she's like 10). And I've planned to make tripple choc chip muffins with her (this is the packet that my mum and dad bought me ages ago and I've delayed making them until I could find a suitable time to do so; this is the PERFECT opportunity to make them because I'll send her home with them instead of having them left over in the house where I could binge on them. Plus it will be a treat for her mum because she loves chocolate and she just had a baby)

Thursday; My dad's birthday!! Well... major day of baking and cooking...
                Breakfast; Panettone french toast with mixed berries

                Morning tea; Apple & cinnamon slice 

                Lunch; Turkey Tango (It has turkey, avocado, snow pea sprouts, mango chutney in like a wrap) 

And a New York Cheesecake for his cake!

Friday, June 10, 2011

Photo Upload

Okie Dokie,
I have officially uploaded my photos.. oh joy.. it's taken me about 2 months to get the courage to post these so please no bad comments. They are on 'My Progress' page. The only reason I am posting these is because  I am determined that I will be able to post photos later that will show a difference. I was about 144.8lbs.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I feel unpretty/ pretty

This song most explains how I feel about myself;

Most days are bad then good, but there are still those split seconds where I actually feel pretty.

Yesterday I realised just how much weight I had lost when I put on a pair of pants (AUS 16) that were way tight on me in January/February... I can literally see down the front. It felt great. I can slip them on and off without having to undo the zipper the whole way then try to suck in my stomach to do it up.
I know I am going to gain this week but I'm ok with that at the moment because I know that as soon as exams are over I WILL work so damn hard and I WILL be in the 63kg area.

Don't ever give up, not even when you feel you have failed because only giving up on your dream is true failure. Your current weight is someone else's ultimate goal weight.

I have come to the conclusion that 60kg's (132.3) is not enough. I'll get lower than that but I have to reach 60kg's first so that I can prove to myself that I really can do it.

Little Miss Thin; You have inspired me to do the Couch to 5k. I'm going to start next friday. I am in no way thinking that it will actually last, but I want to be able to run and run and run just like you. At the moment I can last 4 minutes without dying. We are so alike, and you truly are an inspiration so please don't give up! I used to have exercise induced asthma as well.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Monday Weigh-In (6.June.2011)

Wow can you believe it's June already!!! So my thinking was wrong, I'm only 64.1kg's (141.3) today. Man I really thought this was the week that I would break out of the 64kg area! We'll even though it's only 100 grams at least it's still going down. Exam study this week so I'm not expecting to lose any weight because I'll just be sitting on my arse all week. But next friday I will be working out really hard because I AM going to get off this plateau! My body is fighting me getting thinner, but my mind is stronger. I think once I get into the 63 kg area I'll be ok. I'm pretty sure it will just keep coming off.

On to other news, we went out to dinner tonight- against my will, I had 1/3 of my grilled chicken burger (no cheese, no ranch dressing), only lettuce, tomatoe, beetroot, and the bun, curly fries, bbq sauce and a coke zero.
I've decided to add 2 things to my forbidden food list; curly fries and subway cookies.
(Other foods on the list are; McDonald’s, Hungry Jacks, Tim Tams, Banana’s, Brownies, KFC)

In my original plan, on this date I was supposed to be 65.07kg's (143.5). By the 4th of july I was supposed to be 63.73kg's (140.5). I WILL be 63kg's (138.9) or less.

Just one bit of thinspo;

I just found these photos;
(This girl has apparently the same weight as me)

This is her at 67kg's (148lbs)

And her again at 64kg's (140 lbs)

Apparently thats what 64kg's looks like. Well she must be 1 in a million cause my body sure as hell doesn't look anything like that and I'm 64.1kg's. I guess everyone is different, but I'm sorry I just don't believe it. Ok I just realised that she does a whole bunch of exercise so all her weight is muscle! Well that makes more sense.

Saturday, June 4, 2011


I'm feeling ok, actually ok for once. In my mind I am lighter this week, that is, I am lighter. I won't be sure if I really am or not until monday, but for now I will keep this illusion of feeling lighter. I have made real progress this last week. I can now chuck out food without feeling bad! I have in a way become detached from food. I was able to with stand eating anything on friday afternoon at our mini party for celebrating the end of prac. There was mostly junk food so I just didn't eat. There were carrot sticks but I knew that if I ate one thing then it would have started a snowball effect of eating. 

I pretty much don't eat any full serves of food anymore which is great! I almost always leave something behind. I think it's almost time to try the ultimate test of my ability to contain myself around food; bring out the pasta. When I'm fully ready I will do this pasta test because it is the only sure way to know how far I have come. Today I made pumpkin scones and I'm so proud of myself because I only ate 2 mini ones and I didn't even want more. I am slowly making changes which are bringing me forward and out of the fatness.

It's almost like I am living in a haze, it's probably because I'm so tired.
I have completed prac and now have to face exams. Fact of life. I will get on with it because then I can get on with concentrating on my weight loss when exams have finished.
I know I can do this. I can do it all; Great weight loss and great exam results.
If it's not too cold or raining I might go on a small bike ride tomorrow, just to get my brain working.

And so will you.