Existance

Living. Going through the motions of life but not really existing in it.
It seems so strange, I found myself happy today and when I figured out why it was because I was making and then eating home-made pizza and enjoying the time with my family.
Then I realised how disgusting that is because I ate 3 crumpets, an egg, a yoghurt and strawberries for breakfast. I'm sick of being fat, yet look at what I do to myself.
I haven't even been to the gym for 2 whole weeks.
Uni is hard. I've been allocated to an abortion clinic for my last prac in the degree. It makes me numb.

My birthday is in 2 months and 1 week. I just want to be less fat for then, I'll be 21 and even though I won't celebrate it - much to everyones disgust, but i'm just not a birthday person- I still want to look good.

Right at this very moment everything is black.
I'm so ready to end everything.
I want to die.